juste faire de la bonne façon

ITS ABOUT ME! BOOMS.

!POHPINGSHUANG/PING
!rawr the first time on 20th december 1994
!pps_1994@hotmail.com
!known to be a dinosaur who bites, a cheese that jumps.
!was part of PASIRRISPRIMARYSCHOOL for 6 years
!ANGLICAN HIGH SCHOOL-1J'07,2H'08,3G'09,4G'10
!once an ed-iot always an ed-iot.
!<3 the sandwich,GPS,SPY, Very Furry Pink Zebra Meh! and the "usuals"
!hongkong drama is like a drug to me
!always coming up with weirdo words
!sometimes retarded but still normal as compared to some people:D
!classics stare and expressions
!loves purple like how the sun love the sky
!still wishes to see a night rainbow
!if you didnt realise im trying to make the profile longer (:

wishes

the night rainbow

all the purple stuff in the world

the pekipom!

more and more and more and more and more and more clothes(never too little)

a library at home :O

wish for a better day everyday

that thing

that that thing

that that that thing

that that that that thing

that that that that that thing
i feel stupid.

chat,babble,palaver,buzz,rumble

Sunday, February 7, 2010 @ 9:37 PM

nobody wants to admit to this, but bad things keep on happening. Maybe, thats because it's all a chain, and a long time ago someone did the first bad thing, and that led someone else to do another bad thing and it goes on.

this is just simply like the game where you whisper something into someone's ear and that person whispers it to someone else, and it all comes out wrong in the end.

but think again, maybe bad things happen because it is the only way we can keep remembering what good is suppose to look like. and start grieving over it.

because the happy memories will always remain as MEMORIES, and you will just live in the bad things and start wondering why does LIFE SUCKS. and thats a fact. everyone knows that. im not the only one who says that.

but, well, at least i think i will start learning how to live in such life.

been thinking alot at night recently.

as in at those unearthly hours. i think im beginning to have insomnia or something of that sort. i cant sleep. its like, im like really physically tired, my eyes need to close, but when i close it, my brain doesnt close. it just keeps operating with thoughts, pictures, events and i dont know what. just everything and sometimes i just go into stoning mode and stone for like 30 mins on bed, and i suddenly realised wth am i stoning then i try to sleep, then i cant again. and the cycle just keep repeating itself. and then i cant sleep.

its like all of a sudden. the SLEEP word disappear from my dictionary.

bones told me: so even you reach the end of your rope, Tie a knot and Hang on.

i will really try to do that. but im afraid that i do not even have the strength to hold on till i reach the end of the rope, im afraid i will just let go and fall off the rope.

falling is scary, you never know when it will happen.

& so im scared of falling :O once you fall its like you lose a part of you already. you lost blood. but yea you just lose something. im not talking about normal falling lah. but just falling. you lose yourself. you can tell yourself that you are willing to lose everything you have in order to get something that you want. but its a catch-22: all of the things you are willing to lose are what make you recognizable. lose them, and you lose yourself together with it.

i just hope that everything will change SOON. well, at least make it possible for me to feel normal like how im feeling now. not emo not happy. just normal. i want to be normal.

what happen to the promise? happy birthday.

but i know sometimes im still trying so hard.

"a public persona that might be different from what we truly feel inside... everyone wonders if they are good enough,smart enough, pretty enough, no matter how old they are. it is an archetypical moral dilemma-- its like do you act like yourself or risk being an outcast? "

Saturday, February 6, 2010 @ 10:39 PM

im blogging not because i want to blog.

but because i need to make someone blog (:

so im here.

okay, promise fufilled :DDD

fight on! i wish i can.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010 @ 7:54 PM

"You know how the tightrope guy at the circus wants everyone to believe his act is an art, but deep down you can see that he's really just hoping he makes it all the way across?"

i really dont know whats wrong recently. there's just something wrong.

i remember how i felt when i woke up this morning.

i was in the mids of having a nightmare when my alarm rang.

i know there's something vibrating real bad when i was having the nightmare, then i suddenly woke up.

i was sweating, really, literally true wet sweat.

then i was trying hard to think about the dream, to recall first just in case i forget.

when i realised what the nightmare was about, my heart starting aching. started aching real bad, it was this pain that will keep twitching. its like something pricking your heart, but you have no idea where issit, what issit and you have cant take it out, you can only let it fade away when it wants to. you have no control over it at all.

yea, then i have no choice but to drag myself off the bed, and let the pain continue to prick. i was trying so hard not to make myself look emo or seem emo when i reach school, but i really cant hide it, it was just too obvious i guess. i failed. failed badly. kept quiet throughout most of lesson until it was after recess. cause love really make me feel better. its like talking to her and seeing her during recess its a complete different feeling. and suddenly i look forward to recess so much. then went back clas felt the sudden feeling of being upset and everything.

but sometimes, its like, even if i feel like it, i wont . because there's a retarded best friend sitting beside me ((: really retarded kay. and its like he start making stupid jokes, trying to cheer me up and saying really stupid things and start singing crappy things, i will really laugh. really laugh. then for all these moment i will completely forget about my troubles completely. then leonjin(bestfriend to be) was saying retarded-ness will like take away the troubles for a moment.

thanks best friend for being so retarded in class okay :D its a good thing!

i guess thats the only thing im happy about, as in really make me LAUGH.

obviously, there is still some others out there listening to me, and im really glad that i have them.

then i dont want to even talk about it anymore.

you can mask something; you can patch it to make it look smooth and clear; but you always know what's hidden underneath.

going downhill.

Monday, February 1, 2010 @ 9:35 PM

sorrow is starting to fill in again. every one around me is affecting me so much.

so much that i think im beginning to drown in the sorrows. and im starting to lose myself in this process. i dont know who i am anymore.

did i even know in the first place? i lost it. completely.

sum up!

Saturday, January 30, 2010 @ 2:09 PM

its the second week since im back from BSC, and im somehow already use to life back here, starting to not feel so "dorm-sick" anymore. things might seemed to be getting better for me on the surface, but i know that everything is not even falling in place. everything.

this week is a rather emotional one for me. actually a very emotional one if you compare. somehow, i feel like im reverting back to the "me" during start of sec3, or rather, throughout the year during certain point of the year. im still quite unsure what really is going on, but sometimes emotion just keep running wild, and i cant control it. no matter how hard i clinch my fist, how hard i try to stop my heart from beating and how hard i try to stop my brain from thinking. its not working. i know it.

the worse is, there's no someone out there that can really give me a proper advice that actually really make any sense to me, or really make me listen. because, even i dont know what am i troubled over. but im glad that i sms love about what i was totally feeling yesterday afternoon, felt so totally bad in the afternoon, its like i dont know what i was thinking, i dont know what i was doing, it all felt like a dream. and well, she manage to cheer me up yet again. with her stupid bio terms which i totally know its fake.

so many things arent going well for me, alot. and i was wondering if it is just me, like im thinking too deep and too far again. but i always trust my own instinct, which is mostly right. and i have that feeling again. the feeling of being unable to fit in to the crowd.

but again, i cant say that no one understand me because even i dont understand myself, what rights to i have to say that no one knows me. everything is going away from me, only troubles and problems are sticking to me. im trying so hard to get them away, so that they will stop sticking onto me. something is really haunting me real bad, that shadow that have been hovering over me for very long. im sick of its presence, im sick of it bringing darkness into my life, but no matter how hard i try, how hard i ask it to go away it just stands there, stationary. i tried to push it away with my hands, as hard as i can. but they just went past through it, then i realized the thing that is haunting me so bad are the memory that remains.

i always thought it was gone, that shadow-the memories. but somehow, its still there somewhere kept inside.

After a certain point, a heart with so many stress fractures can never be anything but broken.

i really dont want to feel all this. i dont want to be upset, devastated, lost, confused, scared, alone. but i cant help it, i cant seemed to leave these emotion behind me.

at least i know one of the problem thats bothering me, at least i know sooner or later i might ask. but again, i dont know how to ask or rather, am i stopping myself to ask? because Sometimes, when you don't ask questions, it's not because you are afraid that someone will lie to your face. It's because you're afraid they'll tell you the truth.

im afraid to know the truth, because i know if the truth turns out to be what i think it would be,i wont be able to stand up anymore. i lost the capability to stand up after i fall, i forgot how to run, i forgot how to walk and

most importantly i forgot how to stand up on my feet. i cant face reality.

Friday, January 29, 2010 @ 6:26 PM

On a really dark night, you can see between 1,000 and 1,500 stars, and there are millions more that haven't been discovered. It is so easy to think that the world revolves around you, but all you have to do is stare up at the sky to realize it isn't that way at all.

tried too hard, and i fell, not knowing how to get up again.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010 @ 10:29 PM

"Sometimes, when you don't ask questions, it's not because you are afraid that someone will lie to your face. It's because you're afraid they'll tell you the truth."
— Jodi Picoult

truth for the day!